Washing Machine

Transmission starts.....

"Do you ever get the feeling you're just moving the dirt around?"

"Yea, that's why I stopped doing it."

I was about 3/4 through washing the Audi when Jimbo Baggins had made me jump with a phone based SURPRISE! prank.

Yea.

That's what we're like.

Anyway, after I'd almost thrown a bucket of dirty hot soapy water at his smug face we'd had the above exchange. He went on to say he preferred car washes. They are indeed quicker and easier. But (never start a sentence with 'but') they are definitely not cheaper and I always feel a little guilty about the amount of energy/water I've just consumed for my convenience. What I was doing was clearly not the best way as the Audi almost looked a bit dirtier so I went and had a chat with my old (not really) friend Google.

Results ranged from the usual adverts that somehow redirect me to MySpace through to some soul sold American recommending products on video.

Anyway;

E-how gave the simplest answer with a 10 step guide. OK for most, but for my particular brand of anal retentiveness it wasn't quite enough. Besides, they talked about something called a 'Terry Cloth". Riiiiight. (As far as I can make out it's some sort of generic term for a cotton rag or cloth).

So;

I retyped the search but made sure that it was specifically restricted to this United Kingdom. The best result was by something or someone called 'Video Jug' on the website 'Desperate Sellers'. Sounds almost like it could be porn? Well yes actually. But no, unfortunately, Ahem, sorry fortunately NO. That's EN OH.

Sorry.

Where was I?

Ah yes, the video 'Jug'.

The video outlines no less than 17 steps to a washed car. That satisfied me.....

Here's the link:

http://www.desperateseller.co.uk/motoringvideos/how-to-wash-a-car.asp

Oh, and by the way; DON'T USE WASHING UP LIQUID.

Transmission ends......

Private Parts

Transmission starts...

My attitude is;

If he (or indeed she) can do it then so can I.

It is with this attitude that I've broken the sunroof on the Audi a bit more. Still, at least it helped me sort a broken lock the other day. Half an hour of fiddling, poking, opening and closing the other doors to find out how the mechanical action of the perennial locking latch on the motor car found success and a broken spring.

Even though I did check First Choice Parts (a breakers network) none of the answers I received were that much cheaper than buying new. Parklands Audi had the part in within 2 days of asking. Wow. Welcome to the world of proper mass parts production. No waiting around for 4 months for piston rings for a Cagiva Mito...

Anyways 2 days of driving around with the main central locking system holding the door in place (rather poorly), half expecting it to pop open in a corner to take out an unsuspecting something or other led to finally fitting a shiny new lock on a sunny Saturday morning.

So, the door lock was a sort of reasonable £36.46.

Hang on.

When I say reasonable, what I mean to say is How Much Does It Cost For A Factory To Push Such A Small Part Out, The Effing Robbers.

Oh well. At least I fitted it myself. Mechanics rates are higher than solicitors.

FACT.

Transmission ends...

Driving passion

Transmission starts...

I think it says something that upon climbing aboard the Starship Diesel (A car, for all of its capability I've been struggling to write a review about for the last two years) I found myself hankering for a drive. At least there's a vague idea of what might, possibly be going on with the front tyres communicated in some sort of small way.

And yet...

I do often get home in the early hours of the morning having waited on Joe and Jane public and long to sit in the Audi's bubble of glass and steel and just drive. Drive till dawn.

One day I will do this.

One day soon.

I'll let you know when I do.

You can come along if you like...

Transmission ends...

First Impressions

Transmission starts...

Yes, I did buy the 80.

Yes, I did drive it to Geneva and back.

Yes, a full driving story and video is on the way.

So, putting all of that to one side for now, what's it like, this 15 -year-old Audi? Well, for starters, it is in no way, shape or even form fun to drive. The steering is rubbish, the damping is too hard and it feels immediately nose heavy. Nothing new there then. Absolutely nothing to add to the collective motoring consciousness.

I do, however like the way it looks, and I do (damping aside) find it comfortable. I like the build quality and I like the little auxiliary dials at the bottom of the centre console that tell me what the oil pressure is and how much electricity the engine is generating and something else I can't quite remember.

Unsurprisingly it does need a few little jobs doing to it. the sunroof doesn't work, the dash does not quite glow with the brightness that it surely did when it left the factory and the front, left speaker has lost the ability to articulate itself clearly. Getting carried away with some nice alloys and RS2 style front lamps is tempting, but really, I'm afraid she just isn't worth it....

Transmission ends....